Twister's Revenge! (1987)

Dir: Bill Rebane

Scr: William Arthur, Larry Dreyfus, Bill Rebane

Prod: Larry Dreyfus, Bill Rebane

Cast: Dean West, Meredith Orr, David Alan Smith

Well, you can imagine the surprise gotten from the original pressing of Mill Creek's Drive-In Movie Classics set, where instead of Don Dohler's Fiend (listed on the back cover and the disk's individual sleeve inside), the film is actually this.... thing. 

In 1987, Bill Rebane gave the world another departure from his usual milieu of snowcapped Wisconsin-set fantasy films, with the release of Twister’s Revenge, a rural action comedy that perhaps was made a few years too late to capitalize on the fashionable trend of “good ole boy” hick flicks. The film’s title refers to the computerized, talking monster truck (just what we needed- a country and western version of Knight Rider), which is masterminded by the truck-rally circuit-traveling couple of Dave and Sherry. Sherry gets kidnapped on their wedding night (when the marriage is about to be consummated in a rig, no less), and so Dave and the truck speed to her rescue.

The culprits of this crime are three dorks with names like Bear, Dutch and Kelly, who wouldn't know how to steal water from Lake Superior. While obviously this zany rubber-limbed trio is played for laughs, their endless “comic” routines are even below what the Three Stooges’ gag writers would’ve thrown in the wastebasket (they spend minutes arguing over which way is left, right, north or south). And sadly, little is done with the novel talking monster truck premise, other than having its huge wheels roll over cars, which gets tiresome in the first five minutes. Whenever they do make use of the computer's sassy attitude, often its Cylon voice is unintelligible.

Hey- I like hick flicks, and while this was a genre seldom known for Shakespearian wit, this insipid affair even lacks the gall to at least do something with the clichés that were used endlessly elsewhere. Rebane’s earlier films were more clever satires of rural life when they were serious. (Really? It took three people to write this slop?) The film has exactly one clever running gag: when the truck ploughs down a shack owned by the girlfriend of one of the crooks, she runs away at top speed, and occasionally throughout the movie one will see her in the background still running... even during the end credits. This otherwise lifeless affair is simply a miserable film. People pick on Rebane's monster movies like The Giant Spider Invasion for their subpar production values, but at least those pictures still have some dignity and entertainment value.  Yes, this is worse, much worse, than any fur-covered Buick on eight legs.

MMM Rating: 1/5

Located on: Drive-In Movie Classics. Although on the original pressing of the set, Fiend was erroneously listed instead, subsequent releases properly list Twister's Revenge. Lucky us.

The Cold (1984)

Dir: Bill Rebane

Prod: Barbara Rebane

Scr: William Arthur, Larry Dreyfus

Cast: Tom Blair, Jim Iaquinta, Carol Perry

Although this film is better known as The Game, Mill Creek distributes it as The Cold. This isn't an entirely inaccurate title: in fact, it nicely sums up director Bill Rebane's filmography, involving scenarios in wintry Wisconsin settings. Ironically, the film with a title that represents most of Rebane's work is a change of pace from his usual milieu, and is nothing if not a mixed-bag of tone and style.

This funhouse of incident, perhaps done in the spirit of William Castle’s films 13 Frightened Girls or Let’s Kill Uncle, has a comic-thriller plot that could be called Hitchcockian, but one hesitates to use that term, so as to avoid any misconceptions that I’m attempting to equate this film to a work by The Master of Suspense. Rebane is no Hitchcock... but on the other hand, Hitchcock is no Rebane.

The premise is a labyrinth of double-crosses and put-ons, as three bored millionaires, George, Horace and Maude (Carol Perry, who played Mrs. Schultz in The Demons of Ludlow, back for another haughty character), stage their annual game of giving people chances to win a million dollars in cash if they conquer their fears. The nine contestants are put up in an abandoned hotel, and meet such obstacles as rats, spiders... and even the elements, as two people nearly freeze to death in a sauna (no doubt inspiring the alternate title, The Cold).

The characters who rise to the challenge of the game are truly an oddball lot: a blonde preppy guy; a female law student; four members of a rock band; a so-called stud with the stereotypical moustache; and a southern belle with a ridiculous accent and her friend. Now, imagine the scenes in 70’s porn where everyone has their clothes on, and you get an idea of the level of histrionics in this bunch (or so I'm told).

Imagine further the ridiculous dollar store props that are used to scare these people: from the slimy monster that pops out of a mattress, to the plastic shark fin in the pool. This skimpy art direction rather befits the whole cartoonish nature of the film. The berserk mixture of tone and shooting styles (right down to the millionaires prancing down hotel corridors in Halloween masks while tinny silent movie piano music plays), the one-dimensional characters and silly special effects all seem to work together: this seems to be a movie where everyone involved surrendered themselves to the reality that this is a cheap piece of nonsense.

It is difficult to tell if Rebane ignored the William Arthur-Larry Dreyfus screenplay and just decided to “wing it”, or that the script was so inept to begin with, that with each new scene where someone else turns the tables, the movie becomes increasingly incomprehensible, right up to the “huh?” of a climax with a ghoulish something or other looking out the window. Red herrings like a hunchbacked figure in white makeup lurking around remain unexplained, further adding to the haywire “plot”. But in truth, I liked this damn thing.

As the film progresses, the viewer receives as much of a put-on as the characters onscreen, and must surrender oneself to the game, or be left cold. Even so, there is some morsel of attempt at making this glorious mess look like something. The setting of an abandoned hotel is genuinely creepy (perhaps another theme of isolation that attracted Rebane to the project?). The millionaires’ control over even the hotel’s PA system and the television broadcasts (in one moment, we see one of the hapless characters being hanged right after the late night TV sign-off) is a novel gimmick reminiscent of Fritz Lang’s The Thousand Eyes of Dr. Mabuse. And despite that the previous ninety minutes are silly, the ending of the lone figure on the bridge at night is rather haunting. Whatever his shortcomings, Bill Rebane still knows how to set a mood, despite if the tone is still disappointingly less adult than it should be. If there is one film in his career that can be classified as a “romp”, this is it.

MMM Rating: 3/5

Located on: Chilling Classics. (No pun intended.)